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A groundbreaking University of Wisconsin-Madison study reveals some hard truths about the toll autism takes on fathers.
According to the researchers:
* More than 30 percent of fathers of grown children with autism experience symptoms of depression so severe that they warrant clinical attention.
* Fathers of adolescents and young adults with autism experience high levels of depression and are pessimistic about what the future holds for their son or daughter, much more so than dads whose kids have other disabilities
such as Down syndrome.
* Like mothers of autism spectrum children, fathers experience higher stress and that stress remains constant even as their children age.
This is the first time researchers have specifically studied how dads cope as their autism spectrum children get older. While the mitigating factors such as the child’s behavior, how many children in the family have a disability, the father’s age and the mother’s well-being did factor into responses, fathers of children with autism still suffered more than those with other disabilities.
Extrapolating from my previous posting about the financial toll autism takes on moms, it’s not difficult to surmise some of the reasons for this phenomenon. Fathers of children with autism work more hours than other fathers to take up the slack for their hard-pressed wives, so the pressure on them to provide for their families is
enormous and during this hard economy, potentially crushing.
And as the study on moms established, services for autism are fragmented and unequally covered by insurance, accounting for the findings relative to other disabilities.
Adolescence is a time of stress for all parents, but for parents of children with autism, abstract fear of the future now becomes palpable.
It’s a well known fact that resources for young adults with autism are scant, so adulthood rarely signals the end of
a father’s financial burdens. Pessimism is understandable given the unrelenting pressure and the contemplation of what will become of a child after the parent is gone. Even in my posting about grown autism children clustering to live independently, it was the parents,
(i.e. largely the dads) who put up the money to establish and maintain their child’s housing.
And this is just the financial angle. While there are support groups for autism dads, finding the time for them can be
problematic and men are more socialized to just soldier on. The resultant emotional isolation can easily foster
depression and if they look to their wives and see someone suffering from the burden of the daily care of the child,
the father cannot help but be affected as well.
This study is just the tip of the iceberg about autism dads and as one of the researchers put it, “This is the first step to drawing attention to dads, we need to get away from just looking at moms.”
Dads, we’d love to hear from you…..
Its great to draw attention to the problem but lets not succumb to self pity and despair. Autism is a deceptive and tormenting beast but WE are not alone. there is help and hope.
True enough! Letting people know they aren’t alone in their feelings is huge.
Susan Moffitt
Could not have said it better than Tom Burke ,Support is the key for the whole family.Moms are the real heros here.
Well, we moms appreciate your appreciation.
SM
Moms are not the only heroes; unless Dad has left or is non-supportive / hands off in the raising of the kids. I am blessed with a very hands-on husband. Finances are surely an issue, as I am unable to work right now having 2 sons with autism (we have a 10yr old and a 6 year old who are both low functioning and non-verbal). Although I am the one here at home all of the time, Dad never stops helping or loving my sons and me; from the time he gets home until he passes out from exhaustion in the wee hours of the morning. I wish there would be more attention given to the hero fathers of autism…they do exist and I appreciate them
I’m happy for you that you have a such a great husband! I think our commenting dad, Kevin, was being gracious and self effacing, we all know that dads are heroes too.
We have been dealing with autism in our family for about six years now. It really sucks.
I know what you mean, it’s a harsh reality.
We have a six year old with high functioning autism. Some people don’t understand what it is like. It sure takes a lot of patience that is for sure and alot of love. The melt downs and him throwing things, I could do without.
People really don’t get it, I know.
Patience and love is right, and yes, a day with few or no incidences is a very good day. You sound like a fine dad.
I was recently searching for an online father support group. Do not know if this is what this is supposed to be but seems like it is down those lines. Is there such a thing where fathers as myself can “vent” (I mean that in a productive way) to another father and get some advice? Thanks for any help.
Hi Ron,
I am here for the same reasons. Looking for other fathers that can share experiences. I am the primary care-giver for my 3 year old daughter with ASD. I am learning how to seek therapy, advocate and navigate the obstacles but it is trying. I have learned when I am at my highest levels of stress, I remind myself what it takes to deal with Autism; Unwavering Patience. I visualize the word and hear it in my mind. It gives me strength and the resilience to get through tough times in the most constructive way I know how. I wade through all the info to gain as much knowledge as I can.
The initial shock of diagnosis is gone. Now I can focus on what I need to do for my child. She is what drives me but I must remind myself that in order to do my best for her, I need to learn how to take care of myself. That is where I am stuck now and seeking answers.
My biggest enemy isn’t Autism at all. It’s myself.
Hi guys
My beautiful son was diagnosed with ASD over 1.5 years ago. He is 4 and not talking. Worse of all, he is my only child. I still haven’t come in term with it. I haven’t had a good night sleep since that September day in 2011. I hope I get better as I now the stress from work and my son will definitely get me unless I can do something about it. So far not successful. I wish you all good luck and I hate this thing from bottom of my heart.
I’m so sorry. Are you getting enough help and support? Is your son in treatment? Early intervention can bring huge gains. If there’s something I can do, I will.
There is still hope, not for “normalcy”, but for real progress.
Warmest Regards, Susan
Thanks Susan. We live in the U.K and my son has his private tutors at home. Like other fathers and mothers too sometimes the whole thing is so frustrating and I think I just wanted to get it off my chest for a short time. Are you guys based in States? Thanks again for offering help. I let you know if there is anything to ask. Good luck on your work.
Well, I’m always available for venting. I’m glad your son has tutors. Sounds like you’re all over it.
My editor is in Florida and I’m in Seattle.
Best Wishes,
Susan
Howdy, like many other dads, I too am searching for a support group for dads of kids diagnosed with autism.
(that brought me here!)
If any one knows of any in the Metro NY area please post. All i see are moms groups, and I know that men process and vent way differently than women. I’m finding that I need to be in an ‘iron sharpens iron” environment.
My son is 5, diagnosed with PDD-NOS. Some days are good, great, and then not so great. I try to rationalise it and tell myself “dude, your situation aint that bad, you’ve seen more severe cases while visiting other schools, so count your blessings”. Sometimes it works, sometimes, not.
I find myself going from anger, (not at him), to sadness, to depression to WTF???? Usually goes away for a bit when I’m at my desk and he runs over humming, and hugs my arm.
I like the “unwavering patience” thing. I may have to print that out and put it on my wall.
Be well, Stay strong.
Wolf
I couldn’t find a dads group either, but at this page is a link w/advice on how to start your own group.
Thanks for writing and good luck finding other autism dads…Susan
http://autism.meetup.com/cities/us/ny/brooklyn/